Film School


Lessons learned from watching films…

1.    If you don’t want to look foolish ensure you buy a French loaf and a green leafy vegetable of some sort anytime you have to carry a brown paper grocery bag

2.    Small children properly trained in a martial art can floor any adult regardless of comparative size and/or strength

3.    If involved a war for pities sake do not show anyone a picture of your ‘sweetheart’

4.    Bars in the old west never give change, so please make sure you have the exact amount

5.    Nighttime is blue

6.    If a monster/serial killer is floored it will remain motionless for many minutes, please do not return to a floored evil

7.    Attractive women should always wear gloves, knee and elbow pads, as they will invariably fall over when chased (particularly if they are otherwise scantly clad)

8.    It is just polite if you are part of murderous gang attacking a lone hero to wait your turn – one at a time!

9.    Recycling is prevalent in filmland. So when you need to jump into a skip (or dumpster),and you will, you can be sure it is only paper and cardboard. There will be no glass or needles or sharp objects of any kind

10.An attractive girl with glasses and her hair tied back is to be considered unattractive until she takes off her glasses and lets her hair down

11.Henchmen are terrible shots

12.Adopting children is a huge risk. More often than not they have horrible, and often supernatural, pasts

13.Guns are cheaper than bullets. When you run out of ammo, just throw it

14.All folklore and urban legends are true. If someone tells you a story believe it.

15.An upturned sofa can stop bullets

16.A women’s chances of survival are directly proportional to how much sex she has had

17.Attaching a silencer to a gun will ensure that the person you shoot will not cry out in pain

18.Chairs in bars break really, really easily

19.Retired sportsmen/women always have one more fight/game left in them particular if someone they know dies/is crippled/contracts a fatal disease

20.Keanu Reeves is rubbish – ZING!

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